


Come to Me

by glitterandtears6



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Hurt Phil Lester, Panic Attacks, Sad Dan Howell, Sad Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterandtears6/pseuds/glitterandtears6
Summary: Phil experiences his first panic attack, and Dan is by his side despite Phil's protests.





	1. A Promise

Phil was struggling to sleep for the third night in a row. It was starting to become a cycle: he would sleep in, which would make him stay up late, which would make him tired and he would sleep in, and it just kept going. He couldn’t stop it. At least, his tired brain had convinced him of this. He smashed his face into his pillow, groaning. He tried to sleep like that, forcing himself to stay still, but when he flipped over to stretch, the world was spinning around him. He turned on his bedside lamp, but his room didn’t feel like his own. Nor did his body, or his bed, or his home. He thought he was floating away. His head pounded with the words “not okay” bouncing around his brain, and he began to cry.   
“Who’s screaming?” both Dan and Phil wondered at the same time.  
Phil realized it was him and clamped a hand over his mouth, sobbing, but it was too late. There was no way Dan had slept through that.  
“Phil?” Dan was already calling as he stumbled down the dark hallway. “PHIL?” He burst into Phil’s room to see him curled into the fetal position, whimpering. “Oh my god, are you okay?” He sat down on the bed. “Phil?”  
“I- I’m fine,” Phil managed to choke out.  
Dan raised his eyebrows. “Phil? You’re not fine. Do you need the hospital, do you need something to eat, something to drink? Are you in pain?”  
Phil blinked hard, feeling paralyzed. “I’m really okay. I didn’t mean to scream, sorry.”  
“Dude,” Dan said in a flat tone, “you’re very obviously not okay. I’m not leaving until I know how to help you.”  
Phil sat up, staring at Dan and trying not to cry. “I don’t know. All the sudden, the room was spinning, and my brain was all fogged up. I- I thought I was gonna die, and then I was screaming, and-”  
“Phil,” Dan softly interrupted, “are you having a panic attack?”  
Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”  
“You’re describing a panic attack.”  
“No, I… I just…” Phil trailed off, confused, then began crying again. “No, no, no,” he repeated.  
“Hey, hey, Phil? It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”  
“No, it’s not!” he cried.  
Dan glanced around nervously, not knowing what to do. He had experienced his fair share of panic attacks, but Phil was different than him. “Phil? Please just talk to me. Tell me… what you’re feeling.”  
“I’m feeling like I’m gonna die!” he sobbed.  
“Shh, you’re not.” Awkwardly, Dan leaned towards the now curled-up Phil and rubbed his arm. “It’ll be over soon, okay?”  
Phil squeaked pathetically.  
Dan couldn’t take it, he couldn’t see his best friend suffer. He laid down next to him. “Please, how can I help?” He was on the verge of tears himself, but had to stay strong for Phil.  
“I don’t know.” Phil made a desperate noise.  
Dan sniffed. Slowly, he reached his arms out and wrapped them around Phil. “Yeah?” He waited for a reply, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable.  
Phil nodded.  
Dan pulled his best friend into a tight bear hug, burying his head in the back of Phil’s neck, trying to transfer his deep breaths to him. “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered over and over.  
Eventually, Phil stopped crying and began to come back to Earth. He felt Dan behind him, breathing into his shoulder. He took a deep breath, then pulled away. “I am so sorry, Dan.”  
“You have nothing to apologize for.”  
“I do. I don’t know what came over me, I really wish I hadn’t troubled you. You’re so sweet for helping me. I promise, it won’t happen again.”  
Dan shook his head with a comforting smile. “It might, Phil, and if it does, please do me a favor.”  
“Anything.”  
“Come to me. Okay? Come into my room, or wherever I am, or if you can’t, call me. Please.” Dan sounded weak.  
“I can’t- you don’t have to do that.”  
“Promise me, Phil, please.”  
Phil hesitated. “I promise.”  
Dan nodded, satisfied. He knew Phil couldn’t help but keep his promises. “Now, how do you feel?”  
Phil exhaled. “Better.”  
“Come to me if you start to feel bad again, alright?” Dan said as he began to stand.  
“I will.”  
Phil fell asleep, feeling relieved.


	2. Share With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan suggests, after figuring out that Phil often feels anxious because he dislikes sleeping alone, that Phil join him in his bed.

Half a week went by with no problems. Phil, having a weight lifted from his shoulders, was especially calm, and Dan was always there to talk. Then, three nights after the initial attack, Phil began to feel uneasy.  
Phil went to bed at 10:00 after a movie night with Dan. As he laid down, turning off his phone, he realized how tired he was. Yet, for some reason, he knew there was no falling asleep in his near future. He took deep breaths, trying to tell himself it was okay, but he was new to this, and suddenly the drowning sensation was back. He started to cry, then remembered his promise to Dan. There was no way he could do it, he wasn’t used to being vulnerable. But he had seen how pained Dan looked, like he needed that promise. So Phil convinced himself to ask for help, if only for Dan.   
Phil stood up, wobbly and sniffling. He turned on all of the lights in his panic, as if he was grasping for a piece of the real world. He somehow made his way to Dan’s room, opening the door clumsily.  
“Phil?’  
Phil couldn’t get any words out. The sight of Dan, however, was unusually comforting, and the next thing he knew he was in the bed with him.   
“You okay?”  
Phil started to say yes, but stopped. Instead, he shook his head, looking away.  
Dan grabbed Phil’s hand. “That’s okay. How can I help?”  
Phil didn’t know, so he said nothing. “Just lay here with me, okay?” he heard, although it didn’t sound like it was coming from next to him. Either way, he knew Dan was there, and his voice was quite soothing.  
The next day, Phil woke up holding hands with Dan. As soon as he realized, he awkwardly pulled his hand away, though he was grateful to have such a kind friend. He got up without waking Dan and went back to his room to get ready for the day.  
Once both Dan and Phil were awake and eating breakfast, Phil decided to bring up the night before. “Thanks for having my back last night, Dan.”  
Dan swallowed his food. “Anytime.”  
Phil smiled.  
“And I mean that.”  
“You’re a really good friend.”  
“Thanks, Phil. So are you.” Little did Phil know, Dan didn’t just want to be his friend. He wanted something more. But he was happy with what they had, so why mess with it?  
The rest of the day went on as usual. They filmed a gaming video, met up with a friend for lunch, and watched some anime to finish off the evening.   
“I’m gonna head to bed,” Dan told Phil from the kitchen.  
Phil, who was sitting on the couch, felt his heart pound a little faster. “No,” he thought. “I’m fine, everything’s fine.” He stayed on the couch until Dan was in his room, then turned off the TV and slowly stood up. “God, I’m fine, what’s wrong with me?” Before he could even make it to his bedroom, he collapsed against the wall, panting.  
“Phil, was that you?”  
Phil couldn’t talk. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see, and the next thing he knew, Dan was by his side.  
“Hey,” Dan whispered.  
“God, I’m sorry.”   
“What on Earth do you have to be sorry for?”  
“For this, Dan, for bugging you with my problems.”  
Dan silently rubbed Phil’s back. “That’s what friends are for.” There was a long pause.   
“It always strikes at night.” Phil murmured.  
“Yeah, anxiety is weird like that sometimes. Any idea why?”  
Phil shrugged. “I’ve never particularly liked going to bed, being alone for so long.”  
“Hm.” Dan stared down the hallway for a long time. “Maybe you don’t have to be alone.”   
“What, you saying I should get a girlfriend?”  
Dan snickered. “I mean, if you want. But maybe, you could sleep in my bed, with me.”  
“What are you saying?”  
“I’m saying, as your best friend, I want you to be happy. I don’t know, I just thought, maybe, it could help. I won’t be offended if you-”  
“No, that sounds like a pretty good idea.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
Phil went to go get ready for bed, putting on some comfy pajamas and brushing his teeth, while Dan went to make sure his room wasn’t a disgusting mess. After all, he did have a bit of a crush on Phil, and he wanted to seem put-together for him.   
“Uh, should I bring my blankets in here? Or…” He gestured to Dan’s duvet.  
“Whatever you want, I’ll gladly share.”  
Phil nodded and walked towards the bed, climbing under the blanket.   
Dan laid down next to Phil, feeling unexpectedly intimate. He tried to convince himself that sharing a bed platonically was a perfectly normal thing, but Phil destroyed that.  
“Y’know, are you sure we should be doing this?” he asked shyly.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I don’t know,” he scratched his nose. “It just, well, I don’t know.”  
“I told you, this is what friends are for,” Dan answered reassuringly.  
“Is it, though? Do friends do this stuff?”  
Dan sighed. “Well, I think they should. But even if they don’t, maybe we could be more than just friends.” His eyes immediately widened when he realized what he had just said. His face flushed a deep red.  
“I’m not totally sure what to think of that.”  
“Phil, I am so sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I know you’re straight, too! I, uh… I shouldn’t have. It was-”  
“No, no, I mean, I think I might like that idea.” He looked at Dan, deep in thought.  
Dan couldn’t find words.  
Phil broke the silence. “Yes.”  
Dan gave a questioning look.  
“Yes, I’ll be more than friends with you.”  
Dan just continued to stare, bewildered.  
“So, what does that make us?”  
Dan made a small noise.  
Phil giggled. “Dan Howell, will you be my boyfriend?”  
“Are you serious?”  
Phil leaned forward and pressed his lips on Dan’s. “Is that serious enough for you?” He sounded confident, but was blushing hard.  
“Oh, my god. Wow.” He grinned, eyes watery.  
“Now you don’t need any excuse to grace me with your freaking amazing cuddles and hugs.”  
Dan whimpered, overwhelmed.  
Phil looked at his best friend and now boyfriend, then pulled him into a loving embrace. “Y’know, now that I think about it, I’ve always found you quite cute.”  
Dan laughed through tears. “I always thought you were straight.”  
“Yeah,” Phil shrugged. “Not even a little.”  
Dan leaned up and kissed him.   
The new couple fell asleep in a happy trance, both having found a new kind of peace.


End file.
